Mom Fear

I have Mom Fear. It is similar to Mom Guilt (which I have in abundance as well), but with one major distinction. With Mom Guilt I feel as though I am totally responsible for screwing up my kids. With Mom Fear, I feel like I have no control over how my children end up and the mistakes they will make. Which, in the dark hours of the night, when Mom Fear hits, my children will, of course, end up incarcerated or in drug rehab or somewhere worse.

My latest bout of Mom Fear came from reading A Million Little Pieces. It is the memoir of a drug addict that spends 6 weeks in rehab. I knew before reading it the controversy surrounding it and I also knew that it wasn't 100% truth. But, I read it and still enjoyed most of it.

The problem with reading this book was that I have a son. A strong willed, independent, "I'll do what I want to" son. A temperament very similar to the author James Frey. Even before I read this book I sometimes worried about Brian's independent streak. I've even been known to say that Brian will either be president of the US or be in prison. He's not really an in-between kinda kid.

Do I really believe he will be in prison? No.

But in those dark hours when I can't sleep the thought does creep into my mind. Do all moms feel this way? Do you worry about your kids and what they will become? I'm not talking about whether he will become a doctor or a trash truck driver.

How do I keep him from making those huge life mistakes?

When I start thinking about that, then I start wanting to control everything he does, then I have Mom Guilt! Aaaaak. He's only 4. What am I going to do when he's 14?

----------------
A little update.
An article that I received the link to today just added more Mom Fear. Ug.
Dry Drowning

Weekend Away

Last weekend my husband and I were able to go away over night. We went to Suncadia. It was wonderful and rejuvenating. It took us the entire one and a half hour car trip to get used to not being interrupted every other sentence. But, get used to it we did! Ahhhh, peace and quiet.

The Inn was beautiful, the food was amazing, and the getaway couldn't have come at a better time.

It was a little jarring when we returned on Sunday and it took us a bit to readjust. But we were happy to come back to our son. It's hard as parents to get away. It is so needed, but we also miss our son when we are gone.

Here is the inn we stayed at...

The view from our room...


This was waiting for us in our room (there were also chocolate covered strawberries, but we ate them before I thought to get a picture. yum yum)


We ate lunch outside on this patio on Saturday. The weather was amazing. Sunny and comfortable during the day and cool enough to light the fireplace in our room at night!


I know this is silly, but I really liked this part of the room. The bathroom doors were hung like barn doors!


We went mountain biking on Saturday afternoon. I haven't been on a bike in way to long, but it all came back to me. It was like... um, riding a bike. One of my favorite things about the weekend was that I remembered what it was like before kids, back when it was just my husband and I. Not only did we get to have a great romantic time away, we got to rekindle the friendship as well. We could just be us, not "mama and daddy". Because, really, that's were we started. Just us. And someday all our kids will be out of the house and it will be back to just us. I want to keep that friendship alive and not make our relationship all about our kids. I'm more than just a mama, and my husband is much more than just a daddy.

I, of course, had to stick in some pictures of flowers because, for some reason this year, I'm all about flowers.

The resort was on the other side of the Cascade mountains from us, so the foliage was different and I enjoyed seeing what grew over there.

Tracking the Wild Sword...

We have been doing quite a bit of hiking lately. With that comes the introduction of tracking wild animals. Brian has enjoyed looking at the animal tracks (and some other clues) to figure out what was there before us. Then we looked at our foot prints. Then Brian realized that all kinds of things made prints. So the next person to come along might wonder about this one...

The hard to find Wild Sword... (can you see it?)







Yes, we go everywhere with the sword. Why? Because you never know what you might face in the wilds of Washington State.

Park Fun

I am still trying to get back up on my feet after the plague several things hit me last week. Sometimes I wonder if the cure is worse than the illness. The medication is really doing a number on me. Hopefully I will start feeling better soon.

We spent several days last week at the park. I was starting to not feel good, so there are very few pictures from our adventures.

Here was one of the climbing walls at the park.


Last Friday the city of Auburn had a little shindig and there was lots to see and do. This was Brian's favorite. Brian got to actually sit in a real fire truck!