I have Mom Fear. It is similar to Mom Guilt (which I have in abundance as well), but with one major distinction. With Mom Guilt I feel as though I am totally responsible for screwing up my kids. With Mom Fear, I feel like I have no control over how my children end up and the mistakes they will make. Which, in the dark hours of the night, when Mom Fear hits, my children will, of course, end up incarcerated or in drug rehab or somewhere worse.
My latest bout of Mom Fear came from reading A Million Little Pieces. It is the memoir of a drug addict that spends 6 weeks in rehab. I knew before reading it the controversy surrounding it and I also knew that it wasn't 100% truth. But, I read it and still enjoyed most of it.
The problem with reading this book was that I have a son. A strong willed, independent, "I'll do what I want to" son. A temperament very similar to the author James Frey. Even before I read this book I sometimes worried about Brian's independent streak. I've even been known to say that Brian will either be president of the US or be in prison. He's not really an in-between kinda kid.
Do I really believe he will be in prison? No.
But in those dark hours when I can't sleep the thought does creep into my mind. Do all moms feel this way? Do you worry about your kids and what they will become? I'm not talking about whether he will become a doctor or a trash truck driver.
How do I keep him from making those huge life mistakes?
When I start thinking about that, then I start wanting to control everything he does, then I have Mom Guilt! Aaaaak. He's only 4. What am I going to do when he's 14?
A little update.
An article that I received the link to today just added more Mom Fear. Ug.