Mother's Day

Mother's Day brings mixed emotions for me this year. Years ago when we were trying to have kids and going through infertility treatments Mother's Day was one of the most painful days of the year. Since we are church goers, I tried one year to attend church on Mother's Day only to have to leave in tears half way through the service. I learned my lesson and didn't attend church on Mother's Day or Father's Day after that.

Then our son came along. Mother's day became much easier and was truly a celebration in our household.

Now we are once again on the adoption journey. But this year is different. I am a mom and I love remembering how much I love being a mom. Plus, being celebrated and pampered isn't so bad either. But, I am also waiting for that next little one to join our family. I do feel an empty space where there should be a child.

So this year is bitter sweet.

I have noticed lately in the blog community several women going through grieving because of recent miscarriages. I makes me think of all those who will have sadness and pain this weekend when everyone else celebrates Mother's Day.

There are few holidays that can bring such a wide spectrum of emotions. It's a good time for me to remember how it felt to have empty arms. Especially on the days that my son is tough to parent. I want to remember the longing that I had to be a mom and how special he is to me.

While I will always have days that I think "What have I done?" I have a different perspective on motherhood because of the years before Brian. This year, because of process we are in with another adoption, those emotions are easier to remember. I hope I am reminded every year on Mother's Day how blessed I am to have my son to hold, play and paint with, and wake me up at o'dark thirty to snuggle and who still wants to snuggle me even when I wake up grumpy.

So this year I will have a happy Mother's Day just because I have the joy of being a mother.

Adoption Day!

A Mom Because of Her

The joy I feel today is somehow mixed with pain,
A title once hers, now offered up for me to gain.
You see, I became a mother in a not so usual way,
At the loving hands of someone else, I celebrate today.

I am now called Mother, because she made it so;
She sacrificed her role with love, and let her baby go.
Now cards and flowers are mine, and happy wishes too;
Will you remember her as well, or will you have no clue?

She too is still a mother, even on this special day
Though no longer in her arms does her baby lay,
But forever in her heart remains a love so strong and pure
And as I enjoy this day, I remember: I'm a mom because of her.

~Susan Reardon 2004