We actually had a pretty good weekend. I can say that now because we are at the end of it. It was full of grieving, but also full of enjoying our family.
I'm starting to become intimately familiar with the steps of grieving. Ug.
Friday was difficult, but not as bad as Saturday. By Saturday the shock had worn off and the pain began in earnest. Sunday morning was tough at church. Too many new babies. But Sunday afternoon we dropped our son off with my mom and my husband and I headed out together. It was good to get away for a few hours.
Yesterday a nice thing happened. We had a day that was better than the day before. The evenings are still tough, but the days are getting better. And, today I feel better than I did yesterday.
I'm looking for my bootstraps and ready to move on. I think I will always miss the idea of this particular baby and I'm sure that when the due date at the end of June rolls around I will grieve again. Not that it doesn't still hurt, because it does. And it will hurt for awhile. But, I'm ready to let go. Or at least begin the process of letting go.
I still believe that God is merciful. That He is in control. That we will have a baby girl, someday. I eagerly await that day and hope that it is sooner rather than later. But, it is important to me that if I'm going to follow God in the good times, I follow Him in the tough times as well.