Then our son came along. Mother's day became much easier and was truly a celebration in our household.
Now we are once again on the adoption journey. But this year is different. I am a mom and I love remembering how much I love being a mom. Plus, being celebrated and pampered isn't so bad either. But, I am also waiting for that next little one to join our family. I do feel an empty space where there should be a child.
So this year is bitter sweet.
I have noticed lately in the blog community several women going through grieving because of recent miscarriages. I makes me think of all those who will have sadness and pain this weekend when everyone else celebrates Mother's Day.
There are few holidays that can bring such a wide spectrum of emotions. It's a good time for me to remember how it felt to have empty arms. Especially on the days that my son is tough to parent. I want to remember the longing that I had to be a mom and how special he is to me.
While I will always have days that I think "What have I done?" I have a different perspective on motherhood because of the years before Brian. This year, because of process we are in with another adoption, those emotions are easier to remember. I hope I am reminded every year on Mother's Day how blessed I am to have my son to hold, play and paint with, and wake me up at o'dark thirty to snuggle and who still wants to snuggle me even when I wake up grumpy.
So this year I will have a happy Mother's Day just because I have the joy of being a mother.
A Mom Because of Her
The joy I feel today is somehow mixed with pain,
A title once hers, now offered up for me to gain.
You see, I became a mother in a not so usual way,
At the loving hands of someone else, I celebrate today.
I am now called Mother, because she made it so;
She sacrificed her role with love, and let her baby go.
Now cards and flowers are mine, and happy wishes too;
Will you remember her as well, or will you have no clue?
She too is still a mother, even on this special day
Though no longer in her arms does her baby lay,
But forever in her heart remains a love so strong and pure
And as I enjoy this day, I remember: I'm a mom because of her.
~Susan Reardon 2004