During the process of adoption, there is a time when all the paperwork is done and you are just waiting. While we were in that stage of the process I spent quite a bit of time talking with other adoptive parents, often times chatting on line with them or lurking on adoption forums.
I noticed a trend among families that were involved in an open adoption (either matched and waiting or that already had their child). There was this amazing protectiveness of "their birth mom". Honestly I didn't understand it.
It wasn't a protectiveness in the "stay away from our birth mom, she's ours" way, but more of a "she's family now" kind of way.
We were never in a situation with Brian's parents that could foster that type of relationship.
Now that we are matched, I'm starting to feel protective of her. Like we have a new family member. We have a birth mom.
I'm surprised by the protectiveness that I feel for her, the sadness I feel for her situation and the desire to see her succeed in life. I'm surprised, not because I don't normally feel that way for people in a tough spot in life, but because of the fact that her decisions have such an impact on us. I thought maybe I would emotionally struggle with that.
I am pleased with this reaction in myself. Sometimes you just never know how you will feel or react until you are placed in a situation.